Phil Bromwall

Every schoolboy's dream....

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Imagine Millwall having a financial situation where Manchester Utd offer 50M for Tim Cahill & the Millwall manager says no thanks we're going to keep him.
Well in my dream that happened & to further stress the "not for sale" point the Millwall manager said unless you also sign a randomly selected Millwall fan & start him in every match that he's not injured. Well that's what happened & I was the Millwall fan playing for Man Ure.
My first game for Man Utd was Sunderland away. I haven't played football since school & was running round the midfield like an "unpolished" Marc Bircham.
The ball came towards me somewhere between the centre circle & their penalty box. It was hanging perfectly for a lovely volley. I connected, in I way I'd previously attempted at Bury away. On that REAL not dreaming occaision I caught the ball in the crowd & thought I'd punt it back onto the pitch. I'd been on site near Leeds that afternoon & had left early to get to Bury & was still wearing safety boots. So I thought I'd boot it over the roof of the opposite stand & it'd end up in the sea near Blackpool. Unfortunately I "Livermored" it & it ended up nearer the corner flag & I also nearly dislocated my knee. But playing for Manchester in my dream I struck the ball perfectly & it smahed in off the crossbar for what is probably the best goal I'd ever seen. I was very pleased with myself. Fergerson had done me a deal only 50K a week basic but that would double for every goal scored. Non of my new team mates came over to celebrate. They were all jumping on Beckham & I was quite pissed off. So ran over to a pile of cable drums near the corner flag, climbed up on top of them to try & make the point that it was me that had scored. At half time, Archie Knox, was doing the team talk, & said I was coming off to be rested for Totenham away on Sat. There was not talk of tactics & I was wondering if I could get any discounted tickets for my Mum & Dad to come & watch me play at spurs.
I went into the crowd & walked along the touchline to get to where the Man U fans were. This was when the stewards got me. I tried to explain who I was, "Phil Bromwall, Man Utd's new signing, didn't you see that goal I scored earlier", but they wouldn't believe it. to be fair I did tell them I was having difficulty believing it myself. Anyway outside the ground I was completely lost. Just like any other prem player I didn't know what to do or how to get home. The police wouldn't believe me or help me, all the taxis were ignoring me it was very frustrating. I ended up walking around Sunderland for about 10 minutes, when I bumped into a TV documentry team. They thought I was homeless, asked me if I was ex Army & if i could help them make a film about the IRA "troubles" in Sunderland....
And then I woke....quite stressed & pleased it was only a dream.
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