Millwall 0-2 Swansea ~ Match Report

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So the last home game of an enthralling season for the lions saw us up against a very classy Swansea side who were already planning their own assault on the play offs, safely ensconced in a top six berth with no fear of dropping out.

Their somewhat indifferent fans seemed to have no sense of the occasion as a pitiful amount had made the short journey from the wilds of south Wales but that is typical of this race of people whose only redeeming feature is that they can find their way home unaided.

Lets be totally honest now, the Welsh as a whole are loathsome in the extreme. The women are squat, ill favoured and thoroughly nasty, the men are vile and worthless cretins who firmly believe they are from a country as opposed to a tract of land that England has no use for.

Dylan Thomas, probably Swansea’s most famous son was asked once about his thoughts on Wales. His response was to go all dewy eyed and pronounce…”Wales…the land of my fathers…and my fathers can bloody well keep it” sums it up really.

He once compiled a list of the women he had met from his hometown and his poetic stance clearly stands the test of time, I think you’ll agree, (it helps to read these in a welsh accent, if you can bear it), as he gives his opinion of their demeanour.

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorillas back.
Looks like she’s been ducking for apples in a chip pan.
She's had more hands up her than a glove puppet.
It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe.
She's got a face that would make an onion cry.
She's got a face that would scare a police horse.
I wouldn’t ride her into battle.
She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out.
She got a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout.
She’s been cocked more times than an antique shotgun
She's seen more japs eyes than an oriental optician.
Her fanny is like a yawning donkey

I rest my case…

So what of the football then? Mr Jackett’s last home game of the season saw him break with the traditional maxim of not breaking up a winning side as he dropped McQuoid to the bench to make way for leading scorer Morison so the team lined up as follows:
Forde, Smith, Barron, Robinson, Ward, Townsend, Trotter, Henry Mkandawire, Morison, Marquis.

Our play off aspirations were quickly doused, I’m afraid as right from referee Oliver’s whistle we were on the back foot. A raucous 15,000 strong home contingent were strangely subdued as we watched our team get a pretty good example of where we should be aiming for in regards to performance. Their winger Dyer needed to be given a Hurlockian tackle or two to clip his wings but it never came and he had a field day down our left side.

It was his dazzling run on about twenty minutes of Swansea pressure that saw the first attempt at goal as he jinked his way quite happily down the right and fired over a perfect ball for Moore whose shot just lifted enough to fly over the bar.

Minutes later Dyer himself hit a fierce effort that Forde did extremely well to save but it was all one way traffic and when another 20 yard shot from Allen whistled perilously close to our goal it really was no surprise when soon after another effort from the same distance, this time from Pratley, beat Forde and cannoned into the goal off the far post. 0-1.

We had a bit of a go after this but we looked very lethargic, almost hung over, as we tried to match our visitors performance but it was languid and weary and not really up to our usual game.

Half time came as a respite really and although there was some moronic booing it was generally taken in good stead by the majority of the sell out crowd.

The second half was soon under way and it was marginally better by the Lions as Mr Jackett made a change, taking of Marquis and bringing on Bouazza in an attempt to prevent the midfield from being over run by the visitors but within a couple of minutes we were two down as a fairly average ball knocked forward was not dealt with but our central pairing and a half hearted shot from Dobbie somehow snuck past Forde and into the back of the net. 0-2 and effectively game over.

From this point on we started to play a bit but in my mind I wonder whether Swansea took their foot off the pedal but we did at least create some chances.
Henry hit a shot that must have stung De Vries’ hands as the Swans ‘keeper failed to hold on but Morison’s follow up headed chance from a decent bit of play between Townsend and Henry should really have found the back of the net rather than the side netting.

Then Player of the Season, Tam Mkandawire hit a thunderous shot from distance that De Vries spectacularly saved and then Henry again had another effort that this time did not trouble the visiting ‘keeper as the ball flew well wide of the mark.

I think we had accepted that the play off’s had escaped us long before the final whistle but it was clearly understood from the home fans that Mr Jackett and his team had done us proud this season and as the dulcet tones of ‘byefernow’ Les was imploring fans to keep off the pitch the noise rose to a deafening crescendo as the rafters filled with the chanting masses echoing all around the Den in total appreciation of what we had achieved over the course of our first season back in the championship.

The final whistle saw the usual fun filled pitch “invasion” that really is a harmless expression of exuberance that shouldn’t really be encouraged but in the same context, shouldn’t be extracted from the end of term shenanigans completely.

The team, tired and weary, came out for a well deserved pat on the back from the fans and to close out the home fixtures for season 10-11 at the Den.

One to go then, away to Barnsley and as it is the last game of the season I expect to see a few of you there to see the lads off in style for the summer break.
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