• Laugh - we nearly shat by various Hoffers

    A thread began on CC recently where people quoted incidents of the past that had people in stitches while watching a game. Some of them were far too good to let disappear, so I'm snipping a few of them to put here. I'll kick off with one of my own:
    Paul Neve: It was quite recent, but we faced Northampton (I think) midweek. Anyway, half way through the game the lights went out. Nothing that unusual, you might think -- except whatever caused the blackout also had the effect of activating the sprinkler system. Said sprinkler system being in the goalmouth, which meant that poor old Tim Carter got a soaking.

    various contributors: We were playing Luton, winning with 15 min left when one floodlight went out. That c**t Foster (he never had a first name) with the headband grabbed the ref and got the game halted. Everyone stood there in darkness untill an electrician could be see climbing the floodlight. After some time all the lights came back on and the whole ground started singing "there's only one electrician!"

    What had actually happened was the generator on the Floodlights went and we were left with the back up power.

    Foster + his mates felt that the reserve lighting was not good enough but the ref thought otherwise and allowed the match to finish.

    I think that Foster & co got pelted with coins when they left the pitch. I bet that taught him.

    The manager who accused Millwall of cheating that night was a certain Ray Harford!

    ajc: What about goalkeeper Tony Norman when playing for Sunderland at the den about 10 years ago?

    He scored an own goal trying to push a simple cross over the bar.

    For the next hour of the game every song contained the name Norman instead of Millwall from the whole ground.

    "nice one Norman, nice one son, nice one Norman lets have another one" (nice one cyril)

    Leslie Welsh: I remember a night game in the late 60's around Guy Fawkes night. Someone in the CBL threw a banger behind the goal as a corner came across & the Cardiff full back sliced the ball into his own goal. Oh we did laugh.

    rh: We played some Swiss team. It was Karl Heinz Watsits' last ever game in the UK. 3000 fans in the pissing rain and one of their blokes goes round four Wall players before hitting the ball so hard it hits the back of the net and comes out again! Fuckin' ref says play on! It was the best goal I've ever seen!

    Same game all 3000 Wall giving it "is that all you take away?" to the one steward in the Ilderton Road end.

    Ant Meads: Not sure if it's true but apparently we had a friendly against some Russian team years ago at the Old Den. The players took to the field and over the tannoy came the English national anthem. Afterwards the Russians stood with hands on hearts only for the tannoy bloke to play Ra Ra Rasputin!

    Various contributors: What about the 1 man protest against Port Vale when that bloke sat in the centre circle? After a half of utter tedium and incompetence from the Lions on the pitch this well dressed, professional looking chap -- an older version of Andy May, meaning we all dubbed him "Andy May's Dad" -- wandered onto the pitch. The ref and stewards went up to him and he waved them away, giving off the air that he was some kind of official about to make an announcement. He did make an announcement -- he strolled over to the center circle and sat down in a one-man protest! He got the biggest cheer all day.

    Gazza: Coming out of Sheff Wed after losing 2-1 in 90-91 when we had just blown promotion but looked a safe bet for the playoffs.

    There was a Mounted police officer at the bottom of some steps and his Horse reacted when a cry of Millllwall went up.

    Everyone saw and we all gave another great cry of Millllwall and the Horse lifted up on two legs, but the copper got it back under control.

    Encouraged by this we all let rip with a real loud Millllwalll and the Horse went up again even higher this time and we were sure he was gonna throw the copper off, but no he hung on and brought the horse under control.

    So everyone just vented one of the loudest Milllllwallls you are ever gonna hear and the Horse went right up in the air and over the perpendicular and the copper fell off and the horse came down on top of him.

    A loud cheer rang out, victory on a day of defeat. The Copper then sprang to his feet almost as quick as the horse and pulled out his trucheon took up and agressive crouching postion and shouted "Come on you cunts" to the four or five hundred Millwall fans in earshot.

    Being right at the front I made direct eye contact with the bloke and could see that his was shit scared and certain we were about to tear him lim from lim.

    No one made a sound for a second, then most of us started laughing and the tension was broken.

    A couple of other mounted police officers made their way through the crowd and one of them grabbed my mate by his hair and lifted up on to his tip toes. He told him to move on and let him go then told his dismounted college to calm down and pull himself together.

    Hurlock moments (various contributors):

    Does anybody remember Terry Hurlock chinning that flash git Scott McGarvey at the Old Den. Getting sent off and clapping the Coldblow on his way off. Against Grimsby I think, made me laugh -- McGarvey was spark out!

    Or on the "Warlock's" return at the New Den getting sent off in his first match, quickly followed by Pat Van den Hauwe. Pat was running from defence with the ball at his feet, being chased by opposing forward and decided the best way to deal with said forward was to elbow him full in the face, right in front of the ref!!

    Wasn't that the same game that Alex Rae chinned one of the Leicester players off the ball and got away with it. Then the Leicester player decided to have a pop off the ball at Alex at the same time as one of the Millwall players was fouled. In the handbags that followed the ref shouted "Off, Off!" for the off the ball incident and the Leicester player that commited the foul thought it was aimed at him as well. He left the pitch for five minutes before someone told him he hadn't been sent off at all.

    Billy the Punter: Gavin Peacock went over to take a throw-in a few years back.

    A fan shouted "Oi, Peacock you ain't as good as your old man!"

    Then another fan piped up "He ain't as good as MY old man!"

    HAVE YOUR SAY! This is just a small part of the contributions on CC, and it would have taken me ages to do them all. So, if you've got a funny story that isn't here, or I've left you out, fill in the form below with your comments. Don't forget to sign your name if you're a regular contributor.







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    Comments submitted by Paul Neve
    Another Warlock moment: during the season when he came back, there was a game where Mark Beard went charging across the pitch to smack one of the opposition in the gob -- while the ball was out of play. He then turned to his hero, Hurlock, with a big grin on his face, as if to say "how's that?"


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    Comments submitted by Neil Andrews
    One of the funniest things I've seen at a match in recent years was the way both teams kept losing the ball when we played Gillingham at the Priestfield last year. Because one side of the ground was missing the ball kept going into the gardens next door - Jamie Stuart even managed to get one in with a poor header. Some poor policeman had to go and get them because they were running out of balls...


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    Comments submitted by Hawkesy
    Brian Horne:


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    Comments submitted by Hawkesy
    Brian Horne: We were playing wolves in a pre season friendly in about 89?? All the action had been down the other end so Brian Horne was sat down in his goalmouth when suddenly sprung to life. He jumped to his feet and walked up to the fans directly behind him and asked for a fag. Then promptly returned to his sitting position and smoked his cigarette.


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    Comments submitted by coxyboy
    There was one particular game where we were PANTS (probably Y-fronts in those days). During a lull in the game while one of their players was being treated, somebody from the corner between the CBL and the halfway shouted "Don't just stand there 'Wall. For F***s sake, PRACTICE!"...and although it wasn't a funny story, nobody's mentioned Norman Burtenshaw...


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    Comments submitted by Praguewall
    Ive told this one on here before but anyway...
    Back in the hayday of Andersons management our top player John Lyons picked up the ball and went charging off up the middle of the pitch. To which some geezer shouted out "Slow Down Lyons or theyll fucking sell yer"



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    Comments submitted by Tim Cook
    God, there are loads!
    David Speedie going in goal against us when we beat Coventry 4-1, after Oggie dived into a post. Speedie waved casually at an Ian Dawes shot that he thought was going well wide, only to see it nestle nicely in the top corner! the amount of abuse he got was unbelievable, as all this happened infront of the CBL!

    One game two seasons ago when we were playing Wigan (I think) on a Tues night. One of their defenders thumped a clearance right into the face of their midfielder, who was retreating towards his own goal. Said midfielder was stretchered off, knocked clean out!

    Wigan away in the league last year, One police dog was going balistic and its handler was struggling to control it. The dog got a bit pissed off with said handler, and turned and bit him in the bollox!! Sweet revenge!


    Cookie!



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    Comments submitted by Dr Madvibe
    At the Old Den I was down the front on the halfway line and had listened to 2 blokes behind me giving a handsome amount of verbal for 43 solid minutes until one turned to the other and said: "you stay here and carry on swearing, I'll go get the teas".


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    Comments submitted by seanyeahbaby
    Does anyone remember the game against Stoke in 98-99. We won with nine men. But when we scored the second goal, (Cahill header I think) someone next to me chucked his meat pie away. I watched to see where it landed. It fell right on the touch line, and as the linesman ran back, he slipped over it... HAHAHAHAH! I was pissin' myself!


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    Comments submitted by Gazza
    Coming out of Newcastle after a 2-1 win thanks to great display by Jimmy Carter, the police made us line up outside the ground while they arranged an escort back to the train station.

    This Old tramp with the most manky set of clothes on and a full beard walked past and proceeded to climb into a giant metal bin and search through it for something to eat.

    That was the que for a song: In your Newcastle slums, you look in the dustbin for something to eat, you find a dead rat and you think its a treat..


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    Comments submitted by rh
    went to shrewsbury years ago, there was this hells angel type bloke standing away from everbody else.on the back of his donkey jacket he had painted "no one likes us we dont care"it was like a three year old had done it.kept me laughing for years after


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    Comments submitted by Chinny Reckoner
    At home to Man City 2[?] seasons ago, one of their players shoots at goal and skies it right into the air; a shout comes from behind me, "all the way to Moss-Side mate....
    they'll probably shoot it down!" Classic.



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    Comments submitted by bigbill
    When Oxford knocked us out of the cup during McCarthys stewardship at the Manor Ground.
    During a lull in the game someone shouted at the Oxford goalie "OI PARKER (or whatever his name was) YOUR MUMS GOT THREE TITS"
    The goalie's face when he turned around was a picture.


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    Comments submitted by Juan Neil
    Venue: The Old Den versus a very good Nottingham Forest side under Cloughie. During the first half the left winger(can't remember his name), had been making some great runs and putting in some good crosses that terrified our defence. the thing that stood out about this guy was his tight blonde permed hair-do that cascaded to his shoulder blades.
    The teams came out after half time and once again, he picks up the ball and sets off down the wing passed the half-way line. With one voice they decided to honour his bouffant hair do with a mincing COOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE! at which he promptly fell over. The whole ground quickly picked up on it, and every time the guy received the ball he was met with the battle cry of COOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE! well he just fell apart, within minutes he couldn't even trap the ball let alone take on our defence. So bad was his nerves that Cloughie had no choice but to sub one of his best players. We went on to win the game, as a direct result of one of the best wind-ups I have ever seen at a football match.


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    Comments submitted by albert
    Most of my funny recollections about Millwall have taken place while travelling to away games.
    Accidentally setting fire to a woman on the train to Coventry.
    Being among a thousand Wall getting escorted through the slums of Liverpool to Anfield singing Penny Lane.
    And who could forget the Geordie who ran up and down the platform at Newcastle station offering out the train load of Millwall after our visit to the Toon in 89. When a couple of lads got off the train to oblige, the Geordie legged it . . . straight into a rack of luggage trolleys behind him. It was just too easy.
    Then there have been moments like pulling up for a piss at the side of a motorway on the way to Norwich and deciding to push a pal down the embankment with his trousers down his ankles. How was I to know there was a stream at the bottom of the embankment which came up to his waist? And it was the cup replay in January too. Brrrrrr.
    Or what about going to Middlesbro in a mini bus with half the seats replaced by deckchairs, meaning half of us slid across the bus every time we went round a corner.
    Okay so you had to be there.
    My funniest incident inside the ground was on Halfway when a video tape fell out the TV gantry above and almost killed a bloke three yards in front of me. Every one was trying not to laugh as the bloke was sparko, but it was very funny.
    As for funny comments, there have been hundreds. But I like the one the other week at home to Ipswich when the linesman took his time putting up his flag to give one of our players offside and some wag from the back of the CBL shouted: "Come on lino, you were slower than Paula Yates' doctor!"


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    Comments submitted by Red Blue
    I was watching a reserve game against West Ham at the Old Den when procedings were livened up considerably by 'Wall's 'twelfth man'. Well, someone had brought an alsatian in a Millwall shirt and released it onto the pitch! Some of the players tried to catch it and Malcolm Allen got close but, after about five minutes of everyone pissing themselves at our 'extra player' Ian Evans ran on, dived and caught it. Possibly Ian's greatest contribution to the club...


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    Comments submitted by GOZZIE
    Can't remember the game only that Dawes kept trying to get down the line only to be stopped 10 yards on by some hefty looking full back.Someone shouted that there was "no penetration" when someone replied "Dawes you couldn't penetrate your Mrs!!!" It loses alot going down on print but we all pissed ourselves sillyI'll never forget it.


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    Comments submitted by derek r
    Can't remember who we were playing, but in our first season back in Div Three, Bowry went for a 50-50 and missed. Nothing unusual there you may say. However, his two footed lunge went straight over the top of the ball and took the ref just above the ankles. Who says BowWow NEVER did anything right.

    Also, when we played at Colchester a couple of years ago, we all got thoroughly frisked on the way into the ground. The steward asked me what i had in my pockets and i told him I had a book. The response was the not unusual "What, a Millwall fan reading a book, do me a favour. Janet and John?" Anyhow, he asks to see the book and his face when I produced a copy of Stephen Hawking's "Brief History of Time" more than made up for a crap game. Literature 1 Stereotypes 0.


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    Comments submitted by det

    Reading away last season. The police were trying to get to some Millwall fans on the other side of a fence. Two of them were holding the fence down while others did little flips over it and landed in a heap on the other side, much to the delight of the fans watching from below!


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    Comments submitted by Triggs
    Today at the Luton v Millwall game (We won 1-0 because McGowan's own goal) the steward was having a go at someone in the crowd to sit down or something. He was on the pitch and coz he woz leaning forward he fell over the ad's boards into the stand. He received a standing ovation! Wot a stupid prat!!


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    Comments submitted by james
    Also today at Luton a groundsman was checking the goalmouth with a fork at half time whilst Ifill was taking shots at Gueret. With the cries of the away end ringing in his ears he shat and hit the groundsman right on the arse. Reid then shot and hit a steward straight on the back of the head.Classic-all of us were pissing ourselves



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    Comments submitted by kiwilion
    years ago at the den against watford a lone watford fan was shouting abuse and getting on everybody's nerves
    my old man took his teeth out,leant across & bit the bloke right on the ear,then put his teeth back in.the bloke couldn't figure out how come his ear was bleeding with no one within 3 feet of him.


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    Comments submitted by ozelion
    Anyone remember the "Vicarage Road Police Dog Incident" ?

    Funny as you like....Years ago, when I was a lad, we were playing Watford at Vicarage Road..

    A copper had a rather nasty looking Alsatian straining on its lead in front of a packed away end and was having great fun winding the dog up and getting it to bark, growl and be generally aggressive to the Wall fans in front of him....

    Anyway, some geezer decides to start barking back at the dog, which of course confuses the hell out of it, this is followed by about another 1500 Wall fans barking, growling and howling at this poor dog !!

    After a while, the dog is going mental, growling, barking, jumping up & down and running round in circles around it's rather embarrassed handler... It must have lasted about 30-40 seconds, but seemed a lot longer, then the terribly gutted, no longer tough guy copper fucks off and returns 5 minutes later without his dog to a huge cheer from the no longer barking fans....class !!


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    Comments submitted by mfcty
    Long time ago during a midweek night game the whole of the
    CBL sang "your never make the station" to the lone fan in the away end. Funny thing was this geezer had 2 ob standing with him and he waved at the CBL...funny as f###


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    Comments submitted by arrownet
    I'll always remember the late eighties, in the halfway line, when Doc used to not play his subs untill the 80th or so minutes.. People would shout, bring on Stephenson, Bring on so and so, then some bright spark shouted out.."Bring on Salman Rushdie, followed by, bring on the shroud of turin..It became folklaw after that any would be shouted every game!!

    Siggsy


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    Comments submitted by MickP
    First of all, i think the match Juan is referring to is Aston Villa, live on The Sunday Match. the player was Paul Birch. it was a classic!
    my most recent memory was Bristol City last season when we were giving them a good thrashing. We had been giving a splendid rendition of "i can't read and i can't write but i can drive a tractor...." which seemed to be being sung by the whole of the East Stand and beyond!
    you could see the away fans getting rather upset.
    we had just scored ANOTHER goal and a group of their fans decided they couldn't take any more and decided they were going to leave. they offered out the East Stand as they made their exit, with "we can see you sneaking out", ringing in their ears.
    the trouble was this was BEFORE half time.
    five minutes later they started coming back in with a police escort, looking rather sheepish(pardon the phrase),
    at which point they were greeted with much laughter and a new song ..... "we can see you sneaking IN !!!!".
    I haven't laughed so much for a very long time

    I have seen and heard many funny things over the years but my memory is shit. i can't even remember the score of the game i'm talking about above.


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    Comments submitted by Lyle Hannam
    An mid-week evening match at Bournemouth about '82. A load of millwall fans were spread out amongst the home fans around the ground, giving verbal but no real trouble. The ob grabbed one fan and dragged him over the barrier and ejected him. When the same ob came back, one of the millwall fans called them over with what looked like a harmless request. As the fan was talking he let fly and decked one of the ob and for the next 5 mins. there was a classic game of chase-me-charlie over and around the stand chairs. Got the biggest cheer of the night, not that hard, as we lost 3-0.

    Lyle in Bahrain


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    Comments submitted by Simba the Lion
    I was thinking was the first part of this topic not the game against Wycombe or was that another episode of floodlights out and sprinkler on. This was a midweek game at there place about 4 years ago.

    Did anyone go to Wigan by train last year (the league game) after a bit of trouble and a policeman telling me they were in controll of the situation his police dog jumped up and bit him right in the balls, and it wouldn't let go.


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    Comments submitted by Lurch
    The Wigan police dog is one of the best, but I also thought Gerry Lavin getting knocked out right in front of us at Bristol City was funny. His legs were wobbling like something out of a cartoon!!
    Plus any game featuring Paul Peschisolido, Ray Parlour, Ian Wright, Paul Birch, Robert Fleck or many other Den favourites has got to be there. The abuse Paul Birch took is now legend, and rightly so. The best "den favourite" moment for me though is west ham away in about 92. Not only did we taunt west ham continuously about Bobby Moore, and score after 43 seconds, but david Speedie's two late misses, oh, they made us laugh!


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    Comments submitted by Tim Cook
    One that I forgot (somehow!!) was an incident after a game at the Old Den. Thought it was the England B v. Yugoslavia B, but my Dad reckons not. Anyhow, about 5 minutes after the final whistle, a policeman decided that it would be a good idea to drive under the railway arches, TOWARDS the ground. He had obviously forgotten about the hoards of Millwall fans who would be coming the other way. The car got stopped under the bridge (the end one, the narrowest), and by then end of the evening, was devoid of wingmirrors, hub caps, arials, and any other extremities the Wall fans could get their hands on, and the suspension was severely tested!! The look on the blokes faces was superb!!

    Cookie!


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    Comments submitted by Merv
    Waddock was having one of his customary nightmare games in midfield for us - circa 1991. He received the ball in the middle of the pitch and was immediately robbed by the opposition's central midfielder with such ease that the entire ground seemed to voice their disapproval at poor Mr Waddock ever being allowed to set foot on the hallowed Den turf - probably the loudest cries of derision from the home fans aimed at any player I would have thought.

    Waddock's reaction was not to hide, instead he gave chase, slid in with an inch perfect tackle to wrestle the ball back, controlled it, turned one opposing player, then another and placed a slide rule pass through the middle to set up a Lions' attack. Not satisfied with that, he looked up to the halfwayline where most of the stick had eminated from and gave us all a little wave, a thumbs up and a big cheesy grin.

    The jeers instantly turned to cheers and he left soon after having well and truly had the last laugh...


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    Comments submitted by SHOESHINE BOY
    Against Wycombe about `97 ( crap memory) I watched a `Millwall gentleman` absolutely destroy their number three (and me with laughter). There was a throw in. The number three came over to take it.
    "Oi number three..." Says the `Millwall gentleman.
    The number three looks around innocently...
    "Your shite!." Says our friend..
    The number three gives him a smug `I`ve heard it all before` look and turns back to take the throw...
    "...and your an ugly c*nt too!."
    The entire block in the lower east stand lost it. Number three got it every time he came near...
    "Oi, number three..."
    TOP ENTERTAINMENT !

    I also remember a goalkeeper that season who completly missed a back pass, the ball whizzing under him as he gracefully flew through the air, (and no it wasn`t Timmy carter !.)


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    Comments submitted by Chas
    Early 90's. Millwall, second season in the top flight, sitting top of the ladder (early in the season - we got relegated)and Aston Villa visited the Old Den.

    They had newish signing Ian Ormondroyd in the side, and he was ponsing about up the left wing like a stick insect.

    I can't remember at what point it happened, but he had the ball and terry Hurlock got him in his sights. Before Hurlock was within ten yards, Ormondroyd shat himself, turned left and ran out of play with the ball.

    What a hero.


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    Comments submitted by Tim Cook
    We left the station in Stoke, and were shown by the local riot police to the only open pub. there we were, walking along, having a chat with this copper, who found himself between myself and a mate called Ant (not the one who posts on here!). The copper answered one of Ants questions with a grunt, and Ant jokingly questioned him with "What kind of an answer is uughhh?". The copper turned to look at Ant, I walked to the right of a lampost, Ant walked to the left of the lampost. Forementioned copper is still lookig at Ant. . .

    CCCCCCRRRRRRUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH.

    Sound of riot-gear-helmet-on-lampost!! About 20 or so Wall pissed themselves laughing. Copper went and hid behind a police van!! fookin hilarious!



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    Comments submitted by Cambridge till I die
    You lot were playing us at he Abbey and completely outsinging,and almost out numbering us!,anyway there was this fat medic bloke walking around the perimeter of the pitch he got past us lot without comment but wasn't so lucky as a huge chant of 'who ate all the pies went up'when he passed you lot, he quickened his pace and left the ground never to be seen again!


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    Comments submitted by skunk


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    Comments submitted by skunk
    the last game at the old den and something that has mentally scarred me, I was only 14 and was sitting in the west stand, I think it was the first pitch invasion of
    the day and I sat and watched two of our fans run up to
    Andy Roberts and nick is shirt, andy like the donkey he was
    just stood there, so they pulled down his shorts and then in full view pulled down is Y-fronts exposing his little todger! it was a scary sight but very funny, Mick McCarthy ran over and pushed them off I think he punched one of them
    and he then pulled a red faced Roberts of the pitch,very funny, also a mention should go to Kasey Keller's mad run back to the tunnel at the final whishtle Jonah lomu would have been proud of it!



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    Comments submitted by Edwin from Oop North
    Stories from 25 years at The Old Den.

    With football violence at its height the now infamous Panorama programme was shown on television. A short while after this we played Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup. As usual there was little segregation, so the opportunity for a ringside seat was open to all. I was standing with my usual crowd of about 15, when a group of 12 girls stood in front of us deciding where to go for the best view of the inevitable punch-up. Their debate got more and more heated as they argued amongst themselves, resulting in first a slap, then an all-out scrap which spilled over into our crowd. We decided to break them up. Big mistake. We were gouged, scratched, punched and had our hair pulled into submission. Thankfully the Old Bill came to our rescue and chased them off. They were last seen being passed over the heads of the CBL still kicking and screaming.

    Ah the good old days, playing Everton away in the cup on the same day that Liverpool were at home to Man City. Of course our train was next to the Man City train at Old Street station, so not much damage then!!

    It did strike us as odd when playing at home to Crystal Palace, that none of the Palace were there. Until 2 minutes from time when they scored and about 100 of them were spotted in a corner of the seats, they thought that they were safe, until set upon by a crew from the executive seats who chased them across the pitch.

    At home to Burnley, they had the cheek to score early on, whereupon 2, yes 2, Burnley fans started celebrating. The CBL emptied and ran towards them. Aided by intense fear they somehow managed to jump over the railings and got into the stands, when the same crew from the executive seats got them.

    How many times did we get a free-kick for offside and Harry Cripps try to take it from inside their half.

    Who can remember the backpass that Barry Kitchener made from the centre-circle, which flew over Bryan Kings head and cannoned back off the crossbar landing outside the penalty area. In the melee that followed where was Kingy? Pissing himself laughing on the deck. He had to be picked up and put back in goal.

    One bitterly cold January, about 3000 watching the most awful game, wrapped up against the weather, when the archetypal skinhead stands in front of us, back to the game, looking for his mates. He has the shortest of crops, big DMs, white jeans up to his knees and a short-sleeve Ben Sherman shirt, looking like a right Gumby. He has been there for at least five minutes looking into the crowd. People now take it in turns to shout to him which has the effect of making him look like a dog chasing his own tail. Barry Kitchener does a massive clearance from defence that sends the ball up, and up, and up, and up, into the clouds, gathers some snow and starts to come down, and down, and down square onto the skinheads bonce sending him sparko to the deck. Everyone was rolling around, pissing themselves. After about 5 minutes St John turned up and carted him away.

    When I was about 18, a minibus cum Transit load of us went to Norwich. On the way back we stopped at traffic lights in Bishops Stortford (where I lived) so I jumped out, tripping and falling onto the car behind us. A torrent of abuse came from the car and out jumped 4 of the local heavies ready to set about me. The minibus emptied and they were surrounded by a dozen pissed off Wall. Do you know, I was never picked on again.

    Bank Holiday Monday, home to Brighton. As kick-off approached there were only half the turnstiles open and thousands queuing to get in. A couple of dozen dockers decided to lift the main wrought iron gates off their hinges, the funniest thing was the 2 Old Bill on the other side who were trying to hold the gates down, when the gates came off, they got trapped underneath. They didnt get much sympathy, but they did get trampled on a lot.

    Tottenham away in the FA Cup, we to took the Park Lane. There were lots of skirmishes. Standing on a crush barrier about 4 feet off the ground was a really fat senior Copper, peaked hat, pips and a cane, directing his goons. One of the Wall gets on his mates shoulders who then lifts him, Phoenix like, up to the same height as the copper. As the copper turns towards him, a belter of a left hander comes out and said copper falls onto his goons, oh how we laughed!

    Do you think Micky Purser ever got insurance for the windows in his car showroom?
    Stories from 25 years at The Old Den.

    With football violence at its height the now infamous Panorama programme was shown on television. A short while after this we played Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup. As usual there was little segregation, so the opportunity for a ringside seat was open to all. I was standing with my usual crowd of about 15, when a group of 12 girls stood in front of us deciding where to go for the best view of the inevitable punch-up. Their debate got more and more heated as they argued amongst themselves, resulting in first a slap, then an all-out scrap which spilled over into our crowd. We decided to break them up. Big mistake. We were gouged, scratched, punched and had our hair pulled into submission. Thankfully the Old Bill came to our rescue and chased them off. They were last seen being passed over the heads of the CBL still kicking and screaming.

    Ah the good old days, playing Everton away in the cup on the same day that Liverpool were at home to Man City. Of course our train was next to the Man City train at Old Street station, so not much damage then!!

    It did strike us as odd when playing at home to Crystal Palace, that none of the Palace were there. Until 2 minutes from time when they scored and about 100 of them were spotted in a corner of the seats, they thought that they were safe, until set upon by a crew from the executive seats who chased them across the pitch.

    At home to Burnley, they had the cheek to score early on, whereupon 2, yes 2, Burnley fans started celebrating. The CBL emptied and ran towards them. Aided by intense fear they somehow managed to jump over the railings and got into the stands, when the same crew from the executive seats got them.

    How many times did we get a free-kick for offside and Harry Cripps try to take it from inside their half.

    Who can remember the backpass that Barry Kitchener made from the centre-circle, which flew over Bryan Kings head and cannoned back off the crossbar landing outside the penalty area. In the melee that followed where was Kingy? Pissing himself laughing on the deck. He had to be picked up and put back in goal.

    One bitterly cold January, about 3000 watching the most awful game, wrapped up against the weather, when the archetypal skinhead stands in front of us, back to the game, looking for his mates. He has the shortest of crops, big DMs, white jeans up to his knees and a short-sleeve Ben Sherman shirt, looking like a right Gumby. He has been there for at least five minutes looking into the crowd. People now take it in turns to shout to him which has the effect of making him look like a dog chasing his own tail. Barry Kitchener does a massive clearance from defence that sends the ball up, and up, and up, and up, into the clouds, gathers some snow and starts to come down, and down, and down square onto the skinheads bonce sending him sparko to the deck. Everyone was rolling around, pissing themselves. After about 5 minutes St John turned up and carted him away.

    When I was about 18, a minibus cum Transit load of us went to Norwich. On the way back we stopped at traffic lights in Bishops Stortford (where I lived) so I jumped out, tripping and falling onto the car behind us. A torrent of abuse came from the car and out jumped 4 of the local heavies ready to set about me. The minibus emptied and they were surrounded by a dozen pissed off Wall. Do you know, I was never picked on again.

    Bank Holiday Monday, home to Brighton. As kick-off approached there were only half the turnstiles open and thousands queuing to get in. A couple of dozen dockers decided to lift the main wrought iron gates off their hinges, the funniest thing was the 2 Old Bill on the other side who were trying to hold the gates down, when the gates came off, they got trapped underneath. They didnt get much sympathy, but they did get trampled on a lot.

    Tottenham away in the FA Cup, we to took the Park Lane. There were lots of skirmishes. Standing on a crush barrier about 4 feet off the ground was a really fat senior Copper, peaked hat, pips and a cane, directing his goons. One of the Wall gets on his mates shoulders who then lifts him, Phoenix like, up to the same height as the copper. As the copper turns towards him, a belter of a left hander comes out and said copper falls onto his goons, oh how we laughed!

    Do you think Micky Purser ever got insurance for the windows in his car showroom?



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    Comments submitted by Leigh fan
    Our songs when we came to your place:

    'Is that all you bring away?'

    And

    'Oh, you'll never hate Wigan more than us...'

    Bloody funny day all round, really.


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    Comments submitted by yokelion
    Not a funny story, but to let people know that my mate Barrie Stradling, a Millwall fan for over thirty years, has just had a book published detailing all the mad, funny and incredible things that happen when following the Lions to strange away grounds. It's called 'Tuesday Night in Grimsby-Diary of a Masochist'. He's hoping that the club shop will stock it. A perfect Christmas gift!


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    Comments submitted by mturner
    It was a pre season friendly before the 99-00 season against Welling. About 2000 Millwall came out of the ground when in the road was a horse and carrage with a bride and groom in it! Somebody shouted out, "Fuck me, she's wearing the new all-white kit!"


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    Comments submitted by Purple Guy
    I remember the Dean Horrix testimonial when we played a London 11. Gazza was on great form. Someone threw on a Mars Bar and Gazza proceeded to eat the Mars Bar whilst taking on most of the Millwall players and they still couldn't take the ball off of him. I also remember the game against Huddersfield, who had just been beaten by Man City 10-1, and Sheringham lobbed the keeper from the halfway line. That was only about 8 years before Beckham scored his "Wonder Goal" against Wimbledon!


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    Comments submitted by joe_blow
    It was at Selhurst park about 10yrs ago Millwall v Charlton.

    The place was packed and the OB were walking around like they owned the gaff!

    So some one up the back behind me sung out whos the "W****r in the yellow". And this copper was actually trying to pinpoint someone!! Then this same voice piped up "You can't see me"

    Well it made me laugh.


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    Comments submitted by Danny F
    There are so many. Last game at the Real Den, every time a ball went into the crowd it disappeared. Near the end of the game Keller was getting a bit pissed off with it and when one failed to re-appear from the Ilderton end he gestured to the crowd. Upon which someone lobbed back a ball. Keller caught it put it on the six yard line and booted it. Just out of interest does any one know who the Lion on the roof was? How about Southend away just before McCarthy went, the steward in front of us looked like OJ Simpson and he was getting plenty of stick. It was freezing and the steward put some gloves on . That was it. Everyone was singing "OJ Simpson had a wife" (old MacDonald) and "OJ's got his gloves on" Couldn't stop laughing.


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    Comments submitted by big jim
    seeing walsall playing in our away kit was quite amusing


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    Comments submitted by Bertsboy
    Another Police Dog story


    Dont know who else would have seen this one. The exact year etc escapes me (1984?) but the game was the famous Luton FA Cup match (we lost 1-0) when many of the Wall were demonstrating their prowess with Lutons seats for the upcoming world Frisbee championships. Me and the brother were in the wrong end of the ground when the match ended and the festivities kicked off. OB had formed a line across the halfway line and were huddling Roman Style as seats rained down on them. The two of us were in heated conversation with a 15 year old fresh out of Hendon on how to get out of the ground, when a colleague of his with a well groomed Alsation, performed a Crufts-like entry from a side gate and jogged to a position just behind the OB line. We stood speechless as the handler then knelt beside the dog, lifted its ear, and started to wind it up. The dog by this time was a foaming snarling messenger of death, straining at his short leash to get amongst it. The handler then yelled to his cowering colleagues to get ready as he was gonna release the brute. Upon his command, the OB line split, and for a nanosecond, the dog started forward until it saw the Wall wall in front of it. Clearly an intelligent animal, it weighed up its chances against what looked like an exploding furniture factory, and thought F*!ck that for a game of soldiers. Having been wound up however, it was important that it did attack something. A sideways glance happened upon a tabloid photographer dressed in old style Parka (green with fur trimmed hood), with a variety of camera equipment draped around him. So intent was he on getting the back page photo of hooliganism, he never saw the large hairy blur hit him at shoulder height. I could no longer stand straight for laughing and my brother and I had to hold on to each other, as for the next few minutes, the photographer was dragged back and forth by his hood, by a thoroughly proud Alsation, with six OB (including our 15 year old) chasing the fearless pooch trying to convince it to let him go.
    On an otherwise miserable evening, its a memory that will remain forever.



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    Comments submitted by W London Lion
    Cup game at Highbury, thin blue line facing us for the entire game, coins flying at them non stop, bloke behind me shouts out 'Oy! Make it interesting! Move about or something!'


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    Comments submitted by ARC
    Norwich City Away - can't remember date. Strikingly attractive lady copper in the Millwall end - and she was joining in with some friendly banter. Midway through a very, very dull second half (you know the sort of thing - people wandering in out with cups of tea etc.) the bored silence is broken by a desperate sounding lone voice from the back of the stand, "I love you WPC 263749"


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    Comments submitted by addo scottie
    i remember being escorted through the city centre of newcastle at the end of 88/89 season when 250-300 geordies starting running towards us and our heavy police escort we had all stopped despite the orders of the police as the geordies realised we were not moving they started dissapearing into the various shops on each side


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    Comments submitted by Suffolk Lion
    Back in the late sixties early seventies there was a few in the CBL who used to have whistles and would blow them on ocassions. One day playing Fulham, Fulham defending the CBL end broke away and just ha the player went into the centre circle came a whistle from the crowd. The Fulham player promptly stopped picked up the ball only to be given then handball by the ref. From the resulting free kick just in the Millwall half Arry Cripps kicked it towards the Fulham goal and it went straight in. The ref gave the goal and the Fulham players were livid and stopped protesting for the rest of the game.


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    Comments submitted by cliff britten
    Years ago at the old Den the ref was having a particularly bad game, and some old boy in the crowd is giving him endless stick all through the match.With about ten minutes to go the ref gives a free kick against the Lions, and the old bloke slags the ref off again. The ref comes right up to the crowd picks out this bloke and says "Oy whose reffing this game me or you". And having the razor sharp Millwall wit the bloke replies "neither of us".
    Comments 3 Comments
    1. relphrealwall -
      trevor whymark when we played Ipswich at the Den in the late 70,s went down in front of the half way line crowd.
      started rolling round and shouting at the ref.a voice from the crowd said "get up you fucking ponce




















      at the Den in the late seventies Ipswich player trevor whymark went down in front of the Half Way crowd holding his leg and rolling around
      screaming for the ref.a voice from the crowd rung out "get up whymark you fucking ponce" and an old style coke bottle just missed his head by inches.whymark looked at
      the missile,looked at the crowd got up and run to the other side of the pitch
    1. relphrealwall -
      pre season friendly at Sittingbourne when Bonzo Vermin took over and thought he would give his mate mad dog a run out.mad dog got taken out just as he delivered an inch perfect cross for John Leslie to rise salmon like and head into the onion bag.as he limped off behind the goal not one lions fan applauded or commiserated with the ex hamster who on reaching the dug out flicked a v sign at the visiting Wall support.he never played for us after that and the player who took him out was Marc Seager .i know that because we all wanted to buy him a beer afterwards.typical of the old bill that day that they shut all the pubs in sittingbourne for the match so it never happened.all millwall supporters cars were put in the same car park behind the ground and next to a Pikey camp.the cars that never got broke into were ticketed by the Filth for bald tyres,out of date tax e.t.c
    1. frenchiesden -
      interesting read all this